Dialogue

A few days ago, I’m standing at a urinal in a pub near Great Portland street when a a man with an American accent a few urinals away speaks to me.
‘Excuss me, can I ask how old you are?’ he says
’44’ is my reply.
‘Well, I’m 56 and when I was younger if I went for a piss it used to come gushing out. Now I can be standing here for a couple of minutes. My doctor says it’s my age and my Prostate’.
‘What can I say’ I say.
‘That’s the way it goes’ He says as he washes his hands. ‘Still I’m having a great time here in London.

those stairs

Taking S. to the Crystal Palace station the other day, we arrived on platform 2 with a few minutes to spare. As we got to the bottom of the stairs I noticed two elderly West Indian ladies about to climb them. “The only trouble with this place is the stairs, I tell you”. “Oh yes, the stair problem, phew!” said the other.
Five minutes later, after seeing S. off I reach the top at the same time as the two ladies, all of us out of breath.

Earwax

” Yeah but if you turn the XBox on man, she’s gonna start screaming”.
– Fat man on mobile at Victoria station